Waiting

This morning I called Sloan Kettering Cancer Center to see if they had the results from the catscan I took on Thursday. I could hear the woman who answered my call pulling up my record, and then she said, "Oh, I have the report right here. I'll have a nurse call you to discuss it." ahhhh... I want to tell her wait... is this protocol for all the catscan reports or do you only do this when there's bad news? What a tease.

So much of what I'm going through is waiting- waiting for the results of the first pathology reports...waiting for the second opinion, waiting for the results of the MRI, waiting for the results of the petscan, waiting to see if my mole was the primary source... waiting for nurses to get back to me. It was such an emotional roller coaster allowing my hopes and fears to hinge on the results of tests and the opinions of doctors. At some point I realized that I was putting my mental well-being in the hands of doctors who may or may not really care about me. If I put my faith, and my mental well-being in the hands of Allah (SWT), whatever the doctors tell me can't shake me. Alhamdulilah, Allah (SWT) has taken care of me thus far in my life...even when I wasn't always thankful, or acting in a way that pleased Him, He still blessed me with a good family, an education, a wonderful husband, a job... I have no reason to believe He won't take care of me now, He is after all, more merciful toward us than a mother is toward her child.

In the meantime, I was wasting my precious time waiting. I have to constantly remind myself that I can either rot while waiting for results, or I can try to continue on while waiting for results, and try to benefit others- either way I'm going to have to endure the wait.