Lean on Allah

Yesterday I went through kind of a rough day dealing with some non-health related issues. I kept turning to different people during the day, asking for advice, looking for support, and hoping for a way out. And then Allah (SWT) sent me a beautiful gift, in the form of my husband, who sent me this hadith in an email:

"Remember Allah and He will remember you. Remember Allah and you will find Him on your side. If you lean on anything, lean on Allah. And know that if all the world came together to benefit you in something, they can only benefit you in something Allah has ordained for you. And if all the world came together to harm you in some way, they can only harm you in a way Allah has written for you….the pen has been raised and the pages have dried."

It reminded me that I should look to Allah (SWT) for solace. He is the only One who has the keys to my end, and to every door that needs opening along the way.

It is so apt that the root word for human in Arabic (ensan) comes from the word forgetfulness (nisyaan). Because one day later, I sat listening on the phone- I would have been pulling my hair out if it weren't for my hijab- waiting for results from my catscan.

I was able to hold off calling my doctor for the entirety one day. But today, I was just itching to see if Sloan Kettering had the results. And they did. But the nurse told me she couldn't give me the results because she didn't know how to interpret them. This sent the tiny speckles of worry in my throat that had been making my voice creak, into a giant lump that plunged to the pit of my stomach. What did she mean she couldn't interpret it? What was there that was so unusual for her to interpret? Didn't she tell me it was all clear last time? Why does the doctor have to explain the results to me this time?

I called my husband, and between tears, told him what the nurse said. He reminded me of the hadith, and told me to put my trust in Allah. One of my co-workers also told me not to look too much into what the nurse said. My co-worker's mother had been through two bouts of breast cancer, and she told me she'd experienced the angst of waiting for results. She told me that worrying while waiting for results causes unnecessary misery.

Allah has the keys to my end- not the doctors, not the nurses, not the tests.

So now I am just waiting to hear from my doctor. And telling myself that everything from Allah (SWT) is good.